5 months ago

6 months ago we were experiencing the best thing in the world. Finding out we were pregnant.

However, 5 months ago today we went through one of the most devastating, painful, heart breaking moments a couple should have to endure. We miscarried. I will never forget what we were going through that weekend. I remember knowing something wasn't right all weekend, but decided that I can't sit at home and worry about what "might" happen.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to have to experience something so awful with. You know when you're little and all you want is your mom to make you feel better because no one does it quite like she does. Brent was that person for me that day. I was a wreck and he was strong. He knew he had to be strong for me.

We ended up going to the emergency room late that night, and neither of us wanted to admit that we were miscarrying this baby until the doctor told me, I'm sorry but you've miscarried. Those words will haunt me to this day.

At that moment, I looked at Brent with tears running down his face. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and told me "I wish I could take the pain away."

Since that moment our relationship has been so strong. Not that we needed to make our relationship better, but now we have an ever stronger marriage.

1 week from today we have an appointment with an infertility specialist. They are going to decide if I need to have a procedure to find out if I have endometriosis or not. We are praying this doctor can lead us in the right direction. I know people tell me you that you got pregnant once so it can be done. But that doesn't make seeing a negative pregnancy test every month any easier.

Just reflecting on this day makes me teary and wish it never happened but I do know that god makes NO mistakes. I know that is easy to say but sometimes hard to stomach. I know people all around us are suffering from infertility and that we're not alone, but it sure seems like a very alone feeling everyday!

December 26th is going to be one very hard day for the 2 of us also. We will try to keep busy with Christmas, but will not forget that that day was our due date.