Its amazing how one word can change your life. I was told a few years ago that I would have trouble getting pregnant. I didn't pay much attention to what they had to say because I wasn't trying to get pregnant. Now that I want to get pregnant those words hurt.
For a year I have taken many different pills and had many tests done all to have a baby. All the tests, all the medications, all the money spent on trying to conceive has been completely worth it. But one thing is for sure it is wearing physically and mentally. For some reason this last month has been an emotional roller coaster when it comes to my treatment. I don't know if its seeing so many months come up negative, or the fact that I'm tired, tired of failure? Actually I do know...its all the above. I'm tired of keeping track of days, I'm tired of taking pills, I'm tired of having vaginal ultra sounds every month so my doctor can tell me I'm ovulating, and to go home enjoy! And then still at the end of the month have a negative month, I'm tired of pretending to think positive. Is bad I need a break? I feel so selfish saying I'm tired because trying is completely worth it. Those who think I'm whining probably aren't infertile, and have no idea what I'm going through.
Other women who are infertile that I have gotten to know or read their blogs and we all have a special bond. We get what the other is going through and are very understanding to any emotions that person feels.
I also am very thankful for all the support I've received from family and friends through this. Especially my mom and sister. They have NO idea what its like to be infertile, but they are awesome when it comes to needing to vent about my frustration. They'll cry right there with me but yet I know they are afraid to ask me how its going. I am not always the easiest person to approach about sensitive subjects. We all know I'm a very sensitive person and this isn't helping that situation. I just want you guys to know how thankful I am for your support!!!!
But most of all I owe the biggest thank you to Brent. He has been my rock. He who is a "young" christian reminds me to put my faith into God and he'll answer our prayers. He reminds me this daily. He also reminds me that God has a plan for us and if it means to not have a baby on our own then we'll live each day how he wants us to live and he'll bless us with an answer to our prayers one way or another. I am so amazed at his strong beliefs, and eagerness to put all his trust in God. Why am I having so much trouble. I just want to know why God is answering our "small" prayers and the ONE BIG request I have is going unanswered.
With that being said Brent and I have been praying a lot about what to do. After having another negative month, we have decided to take a "break" of all treatments. We decided we have grown so much as a couple lets just take a few months off and see if God leads us on a different path. We did put a time frame on our break though, we decided we would re-evaluate around our 2 year anniversary! Can't believe its less than 6 months to our 2 year anniversary!
Other than everything I just wrote about we've been keeping busy with work. We both have enjoyed our lives slowing down since the holidays are over. Here are a few pictures that were LONG over due of what we've been up to!
This is how we weigh Wrigley. He is a little over 80lbs right now.
I know this drives my dad crazy that I talk like this, but he really is our little child. We'd both be lost if we didn't have him. Even though Wrigley is "my" dog I think he likes Brent more!
This is our wonderful home after the snow storm that gave us 12" of snow. I haven't left the house unless I go somewhere with Brent because our cars wouldn't make it back up the lane way. We have to drive the pickup if we want to go anywhere. Thank goodness for 4-wheel drive!
This picture is to show the plug-in scentsy my sister got me. Yep officially hooked on scentsy products! Thanks Ash!
Brent made Jack a toy box for Christmas and I painted it. It was supposed to be black but it turned out gray. I actually like it alot! Brent did a great job, and Ashley and Ryan were super surprised!
I hope everyone has had a wonderful week. I am ready for the weekend to be here. Its been a long week at work and I am happy I do not have to work this weekend. Once again, thank you for all your support!!!!
