NOT pregnant

At this time I have been using the dollar store pregnancy tests...because you are either pregnant, or NOT pregnant, right? So why spend $14 on a test when you can spend $1?

Well, here is why...

I have a tendency to see little pink lines that aren't there. I convince myself I can see a faint second pink line, and that leads to no where good. So this time I "splurged" on the Clear Blue Easy pregnancy test... to leave NO DOUBT! It actually spells it out digitally PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. It doesn't get anymore clear than that.



What I wasn't prepared for is how much seeing "NOT PREGNANT" spelled out hurts. I wish there were pregnancy test for people really trying to conceive in case they aren't pregnant it would say "Try Again" or "Better Luck Next Time". I do understand that some people are relieved when it says NOT PREGNANT. I know crazy idea, but it would be nice!

I am excited for this week to get going. I have to work Monday and Tuesday and then I am off until the 28th of December! We are excited to see all our family over the holidays and are happy we only have to travel as far as Des Moines.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!

Weekend Visit from my Mom

This post is so over due! (Sorry Mom!) My mom came to visit Brent and I Halloween weekend. She helped me re-do my curtains in my house. I wanted to get new ones but I don't really have the extra money to spend on curtains when the ones I have are fine. I just like to change things. So, she helped me change the look of them by hanging them differently. (I forgot to take a pic. Sorry)

Wrigley was very excited when my mom got here (I'd call her grandma Sue about Wrigley but my dad and Brent would both be totally annoyed, I do consider Wrigley her "granddog") because she brought him a Halloween Costume. Even though he tried to chew it off I still think he enjoyed it. Brent didn't enjoy it as much as we did!

We had a very fun weekend planned. I had to work that Saturday morning until 12. And while I was working my mom rode with my father-in-law in the tractor for over 2 hours. My mom had never been on a tractor so Chuck invited her along. They both like to chat so I wasn't too worried that she'd be bored. She said they got to look at "wildlife". I'm not sure exactly what he was doing in the field but I'm do know for a fact it wasn't exciting so good thing they both like to talk. Chuck told her to come back next harvest because riding in a combine is more interesting. (I'd agree)

That afternoon we decided to go to Omaha which is about 45 minutes away. My mom lived in Omaha for part of her childhood and she actually remembered the address so we decided to go find her house. It was really neat to see where she lived, I even got to see her elementary school. It was neat to hear her stories about her childhood friends.

After finding her house we headed to Village Pointe. We knew we wanted to go shopping but I didn't want to take her to just another mall. She can go to that in Des Moines. Village Pointe is an outdoor shopping place. And since it was a beautiful day that weekend we enjoyed walking from shop to shop outside.

After a day of shopping we decided to come home and watch a "chick" flick since Brent was going to be gone that evening. (We didn't ignore him all weekend, he was at a high school wrestling officials clinic in Des Moines.) We watched the movie "Killers" with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher. I highly recommend it!

Here is Wrigley in his Halloween costume...Little Devil is a true as it gets for him!


He really didn't like it at first. Tried to pull it off with his teeth, it was very entertaining!


When Brent got home he rescued Wrigley and took it off of him! Wrigley enjoyed it as a chew toy from that moment on!


Another shot of his new "chew" toy Halloween costume


He isn't the lightest puppy anymore and Brent usually takes him back outside. I'm not as good at carrying him as Brent is. I basically just drag him!


This is my mom's house she lived in when she lived in Omaha. It was really neat to see her house. Her room was the top window!


She said it seemed so much bigger when she was little. I think it is a very cute house!


Chuck in the field across from our house. My mom has a really good camera because this was a long distance from our lane way.


This is the sunrise from our lane way. (My mom took the sunrise photos, I was fast asleep)


Another picture from our lane way. (My mom has a slight obsession with "sky")


Trying to entertain Wrigley while trying to figure out where to take our family picture. Wrigley wasn't being very good he was a little hyper.


Who would've thought a corn stalk could be so much fun...


Ok, I'll be a good dog but not for a family picture just a picture of myself..(thanks Wrigley)


This picture makes me laugh, I'm holding his mouth together telling him he is going to be a good dog for pictures!


Guess my scolding didn't work. This is what I walked outside to during family pictures. We have had so much trouble with him digging in my mulch! Brent and I put in all our landscaping this spring/summer and Wrigley enjoys tearing it apart!


Another view of what the "Little Devil" did....Guess he was just living up to his costume! Notice there is trash in there on the right...we have to burn our trash and it had been so windy so not only does he like to dig in the mulch he loves to dig in the trash!

Wow, that seems like a lot of information for 1 weekend visit. I loved having my mom here. I'll have another post soon...

We had 3 inches of snow Friday night and Harlan which is 7 miles from us had 8 inches. It was funny to see Wrigley play in his first snow fall. With the snow on the ground makes me want to put my Christmas decor up!

P.S. My youngest nephew turns 1 on the 19th! I can't believe he is already a year old. Happy Early Birthday Jack! Love you!

Pizza Muffins

I found this idea on the Internet, and so tonight Brent and I gave it a try! We really enjoyed the way they turned out. We even used the left over sauce and dipped our pizza muffins in the sauce like a bread stick.
We both really enjoy pizza and lately we have enjoyed making homemade pizza. This is fun to do for something different.






In other news...My inlaws are completely done with Harvest. They are happy to be done. Last year they were still in the fields at Thanksgiving. They are always happy to be done before it gets really cold out.

I rode along with Brent one afternoon while he hauled grain in for his dad giving him mom a "day off". After he finished unloading his wagon, he let me drive from their grain bins to the driveway. I was so excited! (Even though it was only about 200 feet) I still thought it was pretty cool.

This is the picture of the tractor I drove.


I am excited for this weekend to get here. My mom is coming to stay the weekend with us while my dad is out of town. However, on a sad note we won't have anyone coming to our house to trick-or-treat since we're 7 miles from town. But hopefully while my mom is here we can get a "family" picture taken of Brent, Wrigley, and myself so we can send out Christmas cards.

5 months ago

6 months ago we were experiencing the best thing in the world. Finding out we were pregnant.

However, 5 months ago today we went through one of the most devastating, painful, heart breaking moments a couple should have to endure. We miscarried. I will never forget what we were going through that weekend. I remember knowing something wasn't right all weekend, but decided that I can't sit at home and worry about what "might" happen.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to have to experience something so awful with. You know when you're little and all you want is your mom to make you feel better because no one does it quite like she does. Brent was that person for me that day. I was a wreck and he was strong. He knew he had to be strong for me.

We ended up going to the emergency room late that night, and neither of us wanted to admit that we were miscarrying this baby until the doctor told me, I'm sorry but you've miscarried. Those words will haunt me to this day.

At that moment, I looked at Brent with tears running down his face. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and told me "I wish I could take the pain away."

Since that moment our relationship has been so strong. Not that we needed to make our relationship better, but now we have an ever stronger marriage.

1 week from today we have an appointment with an infertility specialist. They are going to decide if I need to have a procedure to find out if I have endometriosis or not. We are praying this doctor can lead us in the right direction. I know people tell me you that you got pregnant once so it can be done. But that doesn't make seeing a negative pregnancy test every month any easier.

Just reflecting on this day makes me teary and wish it never happened but I do know that god makes NO mistakes. I know that is easy to say but sometimes hard to stomach. I know people all around us are suffering from infertility and that we're not alone, but it sure seems like a very alone feeling everyday!

December 26th is going to be one very hard day for the 2 of us also. We will try to keep busy with Christmas, but will not forget that that day was our due date.

Crazy Busy

This has been one crazy busy week for Brent and I. Monday night Brent reffed in Harlan, Tuesday night Brent Reffed in Underwood, and Wednesday night Brent had a meeting for Wrestling officials in Harlan. Last night when he got home from work he went and helped his parents in the fields.

OK, so my week isn't really that crazy busy but it seemed like it was trying to have clean clothes, reffing gear washed, supper ready, and whatever else he needed. It has been a crazy busy week for me at work. We're taking on more nursing homes. Taking on new nursing homes is always a chore because you have to start from scratch. Entering every patient, every patients charge account, every patients insurance. It just becomes a headache with doing that and we haven't even entered all their medications yet! AHHH

Wednesday was a scary day for me. Wrigley got ran over. He is a very curious puppy and loves having people outside all the time. While my in laws were here getting some equipment to move to a different farm, Wrigley got in the way. He is going to be fine just has a swollen leg and a cut under his armpit. Scared the heck out of me though. Brent didn't seem as worried as I was. He had gone through the motions of a dog being run over before. Me on the other had grew up with Kirby. Having a farm dog is so different than the lifestyle Kirby had.

Anyhow, the vet put Wrigley on an antibiotic since he is an outside dog and has a cut he's almost guaranteed to have an infection. Also, they gave him a pain pill. It really is funny because I will watch him from the kitchen window when he's just outside playing by himself, and no limping is happening. The moment I walk outside the limping starts. Wow, he's just like me!

This picture is how Wrigley ate his food the day he was ran over. He didn't want to put weight on his leg so he laid down to eat and also drink. I thought it was pretty cute. Brent called him Lazy!

I do bring Wrigley inside about every evening just for a little while, and of course he was inside alot the day he got hit. You can tell his left front leg is a little swollen.

The green capsules are Wrigley's antibiotics, I wrap them in a piece of cheese to trick him into eating it. The big round pills are his pain meds. He doesn't mind the taste of those.

This is a picture of my new kitchen rugs. I got them at 55% off at Kohls!

I bought these witches shoes at a craft show in Des Moines that I went to with my mom and my mother in law.

My father-in-law was kind enough to let me pick some corn stalks this year to decorate with. Brent and I put this together this morning. There is another bunch on the other side of the deck.

This is just another picture of my fall decor in my kitchen. The witches hat I got at a garage sale in Wichita with my mom and sister in the spring.

This cute picket fence I bought at a craft show in Minnesota with my sister-in-law Katie a few years ago. I usually have it outsdie, but since I have a puppy who enjoys chewing everything his mouth can fit on, its staying inside for awhile.

These pumpkins are on the desk in the kitchen. My mom got these for me at the craft show we went to in Des Moines last month. I just love them!

This is my new uppercase living. It is above the fridge.

I have one more project I'm working on for the kitchen and then it will be complete. Then we'll move onto another room to add some new "touches" too! Brent is really excited.

Tonight my cousin Janae, her boyfriend Braden, and Braden's brother Trenton are coming to stay with us. They're making a pit stop on their way to Iowa Western to watch Braden and Trenton's cousin play Volleyball. Brent will be reffing in Shenandoah so he won't be home until about 10 or 11. But the rest of us will have fun!

To say, or not to say

Top 6 things to say to a woman struggling to conceive
Due to the sexual nature of infertility there is a shame and stigma attached to this life and medical crisis. Bringing awareness is key to changing the way people feel about and react to the issue of infertility.

Simply acknowledging those suffering will help fortify their spirits. Here are some things you can say.

1.) I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
2.) I am sorry you are going through this.
3.) I don't know what to say, but I am here for you.
4.) Do you want to talk about it?
5.) I will support whatever decisions you make
6.) What can I do to help?

Studies have shown that infertility is as stressful as battling cancer or being diagnosed with a disease such as diabetes or HIV. Offer the same support you would to someone who had lost a loved one or was battling a life-threatening disease.

Be respectful and try to understand their greif. Infertility is extremely difficult emotionall, physically, and financially. Relationships suffer and some fail due to the stress, and repeated disappointments. Acknowledging their pain and not minimizing it, goes a long way.

Top 6 things NOT to say to a woman trying to conceive

1.) “Just Relax.”
It minimizes a diagnosable medical problem. These type of comments add to their stress. Would you tell someone with cancer to just relax? I didn’t think so.

2.) “Enjoy being able to travel, sleep late, have free time, etc.”
Being able sleep late does not provide comfort to someone who has always dreamed of being a parent. Your hectic life making memories sounds pretty good compared to an empty house wondering if you will ever be a part of “first steps”, soccer games, watching your child graduate. Would you tell someone who just lost their home how lucky they are now that they don’t have a lawn to mow?

3.) “Maybe you aren’t meant to be a mom/dad.”
Do you notice all the abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted parents out there? Do they ‘deserve’ to be parents??? Enough said.

4.) “Why don’t you just adopt?”
Do you ask this of ‘fertile” couples? Why not? Many people dream of having a child that is biologically related to them, to experience pregnancy, and birth. Many infertiles become parents by adoption, but adoption is not easy or inexpensive. It is it’s own difficult journey.

5.) “You should try THIS!”
Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose and you probably do not know all the facts. Don’t play doctor and don’t give unsolicited advice. Anyone dealing with infertility has seriously considered or tried IVF, if they can afford it. In-Vitro Fertilization is very costly. If you are under 40 your chances for success are around 25% at a cost of at least $12,000 a try. Maybe for medical reasons they cannot pursue IVF. Alternative health practices may work for you and you can mention it, but don’t push it. You have no idea how much they have researched and tried to figure out what will work for their situation. It is disrespectful to push your treatment plan.

6.) “Being pregnant isn’t fun”
If you are pregnant, do not complain about your pregnancy to someone struggling to have a baby. Leave these complaints for others that have children. It is painful enough to be infertile and be surrounded by women that easily get pregnant, to watch their bellies grow. Your infertile friend would give and do ANYTHING to feel your discomfort, weight gain, etc.

Harvest

Harvest is one of the busiest times around here. My in laws work long hours during the fall. Me being the farm girl that I am not, rode along with my father-in-law in the combine. I just love riding along. I do however enjoy watching corn be harvested than beans. But I still enjoyed watching the beans being harvested.

My in laws worked at the farm at our house for 2 days. They finished last night and I can honestly say I "helped" I learned how to make the bean head go up and down so when Chuck needed to "grease the chains" or something like that, I was able to make the teeth things move. (You can tell I'm a true farm girl...teeth things). But how I really helped was bringing supper out to them the nights they worked at our place. Of course I was asking all the needed questions...how do the beans get in this thing behind us. So, I learned a lot while sitting in the combine for a few hours.

Brent's Uncle Larry had a farming accident about 6 months ago. A trucker who was at Larry's to haul grain backed into an auger which landed on his Uncle. Long story short he has had to have numerous surgery's and is going back for another one tomorrow. His last surgery the skin graft and muscle are dead. So, when a farmer is laid up the other farmers in the area get together to help out. Brent and Chuck are going to go to Larry's tomorrow afternoon to harvest his crops. Please pray for Larry to have a speedy recovery, and this next surgery to work!

Here are a few pictures of my time in the combine. Sorry about the evening pictures, they aren't as good as if it were day light. But hopefully I'll get some better ones when they come back to harvest corn.

This picture is from my "buddy" seat in the combine. Not the most comfortable, but beats the floor!


This is the field right next to our house. It was a beautiful day outside but I had to keep my windows shut, bean dust is the worst!

This is another picture of Chuck's combine, you can see the dust. This picture of the dust doesn't even do it justice of how dusty it was. Also, I should point out his tractors are RED.

Wrigley enjoyed people being around outside all day. He also thought he was helping so he posed for a picture.

How can you not just smile when you see how cute he is!!!


This weekend we are heading to Des Moines to pick up my dad and head to the Central Football game. And our nephew Maddox turns 1 on the 10th! I can't believe he is already a year old, and my other nephew Jack is going to be a year next month. Just Crazy!

Hope everyone is enjoying fall as much as we are! I love the cooler weather, but I hate the Asian beetles. They are overtaking my house!

Hodge Podge

The title for this blog pretty much sums up what its going to be about. We have been up to so many random things and I needed to clean out the memory card on my camera. My sister would be proud I cleaned it off since I had pictures on there from Christmas!

This weekend is our first weekend of NOTHING in about 6 weeks. Brent worked this morning and I was super excited to sleep in. Yep, that didn't happen. I was wide awake at 7:30. So, I started cleaning and doing laundry. I love spending my Saturday mornings making the house smell like cleaning products. But, I really hate doing laundry! I used to not mind it when we lived in Des Moines but since our washer/dryer are in the "dungeon" basement, I hate it. I refuse to even go down there barefoot!

I'll narrate with the pictures to show what we have been up to!

This is a picture of my grandpa and grandma Bolsem on their wedding day. We spent last weekend celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary. It is so neat to be able to share in that special moment with them. It was also great to see family I hadn't seen in awhile. My great Aunt Sheri and great Uncle Steve and their whole family was there also to help Celebreat their 40th Anniversary. It was a great time!

Here are my grandparents in front of their cake at the party.

This is my entire family on the Bolsem side.

Wrigley and Brent after all 3 of us picked pumpkins. Brent was a great help, Wrigley...not so much! Some of the pumpkins have chew marks!

Here is my wheelbarrow of pumpkins. I sent the picture to my sister and her comment back was "looks picture perfect!". That made me feel really good and I couldn't agree more!

This is Jack's new face. Props to Grandma Sue (my mom) on teaching him to make this face and basically snort while being fed. I don't think my sister enjoys it as much!

This is the cute little hand towel our friends the Andersen's gave us. They knew my kitchen was accented with lime green and I think this fits perfect!

I had my mother-in-laws help but I couldn't find curtains I liked for my kitchen, so I found the fabric I like and for about $10 I have curtains. I actually did try to help, well she made me. I helped pin the curtains, but when I watched her sewing them she was fixing all my pinning. Next time I won't help she can just do it!
This is the window that has cupboards all around it and a built in desk under the window!

Here is another kitchen window. I think this picture almost looks like its out of a magazine. (I might be biased though!)


Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend! It is a great day in our house cause the HAWKS BEAT IOWA STATE!!!! When the Hawks win...Brent is in a good mood! So life is good so far! :)

Just Being Honest

Sometimes, I like to think of myself as a strong, confident, and independent woman. But the fact of the matter is I'm none of the above. I wish I could say I deal with disappointment and tragedy with grace and style...but the truth? I'm a sad little pouting girl, crying until I burst a blood vessel in my face. I get mad at God, infuriated by pregnant women, and annoyed by innocent small children. What is wrong with me? How do others deal with the bumps of life with such poise and dignity?

Lately I've been feeling ugly and infertile. A lot of my closest friends are either purposely or accidentally pregnant. I emerse myself in my husband. And then throw a pity party for myself when I think about how the act of conception should be simple, heartfelt, an act of love....not to mention FREE!

Thanks to all of you who have offered encouraging words. It means so much to know there are so many people that are rooting for us, and praying. I hope I will be able to share good news soon!

Bad Puppy!

Life around this house has gotten a little crazy with a puppy. Don't get me wrong I love my dog to pieces, but he is in that wonderful puppy stage. Wrigley is now 45lbs. and just a little over 4 months old. They say the puppy stage lasts for a couple years. Oh boy, we're only in the beginning!

Brent had his first week of reffing high school football. We have had to order many different things for his officials uniform. One which included hats. The first ones he ordered were too big so we sent those back. I told the UPS guy if we aren't home please set the box on the grill so Wrigley doesn't get hold of them.

Well, Brent came home last week and found that Wrigley had got the box with his hats in them. The box was opened and the hats were chewed! SERIOUSLY? I know he is a clever dog, but to get through the packing tape and all the papers. He never ceases to amaze me. I'm just glad I was out of town when Brent found his hats chewed.

In my opinion they could have been chewed worse, but still BAD DOG! Brent and I blamed the UPS guy for not putting them on the grill. UNTIL the other night while I was doing dishes I had an audience. Wrigley pushed one of the patio chairs over by the grill and was standing on it with his paws up on the grill. That would explain how he got the box of hats. Guess he really was a naughty puppy, I tried to blame the poor UPS guy!

You can see it was chewed on and drug through some dirt! Bad Wrigley...

This is one of Brent's hats, the top is supposed to be all black. He'll just be the referee with "bling". Brent didn't find that funny! I did :)

Here is my audience for doing dishes. The black thing his paws are up on is our grill! BUSTED!!!

This is how I found Wrigley sleeping one morning. It was so funny to watch him, I don't know if he was dreaming or what he was doing but his legs would just start kicking, but he never woke up!

This is Wrigley's pool. He only likes to lay in it when there is no water in it. It is supposed to be in the yard, but he always manages to drag it up on the deck! He loves to sun bathe!


Tonight we are heading to Christi and David's wedding in Earling. Tomorrow we're headed to Des Moines for my Grandpa and Grandma Bolsem's 50th Wedding Anniversary. Busy but fun weekend! Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Labor Day Weekend!